Funny Strange is Lori Culwell's blog.

Prius Panic, or “How I Am Now Stuck in Bureaucratic Purgatory and Unable to Go to the Grocery Store”

So, um—the Prius.  The one that I drove cross country?  Now I am afraid to drive it, because it might do this.  I’m not joking, ever since that San Diego guy’s car careened out of control, now every time I get in my car (which, by the way, is the exact same year, make, and model as his), I drive on the right side of the road and look for safe places to crash, in case I feel the “runaway accelerator” kick in.

I’m serious, people.  I am looking for places to crash because I figure crashing while going 40 is preferable to letting it go all the way to 90, right?

The logical conclusion would be to get rid of the car and just get another one, which I’m happy to do. Only I can’t, because of oh, so many good reasons.   Here are a few:

1.        You can’t really sell a Prius right now, and you know how I hate to lose money.  But, ok, even if I declare this a “money is green paper” moment, overlook the fact that I might actually take a huge loss AND sell someone a car that has the potential to careen out of control, there’s always the next factor, which is

2.       I don’t have a New York State driver’s license, so I can’t even go out and buy or lease a car right now.  Nope.  Can’t trade in my car, which by the way I have to re-register in the State of New York, which by the way I can’t do unless I have a New York State driver’s license.

ALSO

3.       Turns out I can’t get a New  York State driver’s license because I don’t have the ORIGINAL COPY OF MY SOCIAL SECURITY CARD.  Are you following this?  I just want to go to the store to get some sparkling water, people, and I’m afraid to do it in my own car, and I can’t get a new car because of a bureaucratic mess that’s piling up on itself like a seven-layer dip at a Superbowl party.  No social security card, no NY State driver’s license, no new car.   In case you’re all like “why don’t you have a copy of your Social Security Card, everyone should have that,” please let me remind you that my mother is deceased, and when I cleaned out the house where I grew up, I was unable to locate some of these important records.    So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.

So, what do I do?

That’s right.  On Friday, I had to get in my “Prius Panic, potential to careen out of control at any moment car and drove to the Social Security Administration in Connecticut, where I applied for a new card, and was told that I should expect to wait TEN TO FOURTEEN DAYS.  After that I can apply for a new driver’s license, and if my car hasn’t careened out of control by then, I might be able to drive it to a dealership to get another car.

So, my question to you is this:  once this bureaucratic morass is figured out, what do I do with the Prius?  Should I sit on it until Toyota solves this problem?  Trade it in and take a huge bath for something that isn’t even my fault? 

By the way, in case you’re curious, I did call Toyota (both the dealership and the 1-800 number where of course I did not get a live person), and was told that the matter was “under investigation” both by Toyota and by NHTSA, and that if I wanted, I could sell it back to them at wholesale, which made me want to punch someone in the face repeatedly, or maybe slam down the phone over and over again, just to hear it make that satisfying “hangup” noise.

At any rate, by the time I get another car, I’m pretty sure they’re going to have issued another recall (at least that’s what the Wall Street Journal is saying), so it will probably get fixed , and this ridiculousness will just be a distant memory.  And, of course I am super grateful that I just drove all the way across the country in a 2008 Prius without incident.  But, it would be really, really nice if Toyota would just buy these cars back at market rate, since they’re the negligent ones, don’t you think?

Also, what kind of car do you think the president of Toyota drives?  I’m guessing it’s not a Prius.

Hooray for High Speed!

Hey, did I mention that I got my high-speed internet access back last weekend?  Maybe this won't seem so amazing to you, but what if I also mention that previously, I was living without it for FOUR MONTHS?  Not that I don't really appreciate the efficiency of the AT & T wireless card, but when you're trying to conduct business on the internet, the lack of ability to do things quickly is really a hindrance.  I kind of feel like my brain is still working at AT & T wireless card speed, you know what I mean?  Also, consider trying to run an internet business with internet access that is at times slower than dialup.  Nightmare!

Anyway, the good news is the snow finally melted, the movers showed up, and the cable is in.  We're closer than ever to being unpacked, and I am successfully sorting out the moving boxes and my mind, as it were. 

But, back to the story.  After I had a brownie sundae with my dad in Effingham, Illinois, I picked up Stephan at the airport in Indianapolis the next day, and we proceeded directly to the house of my bestest friend Angela, where I felt a palpable sense of relief for the company of my husband, my friend, and her wonderful family.  By the way, if you're wondering why Stephan wasn't in on the rest of this lovely cross-country adventure, it was strictly because he got to New York and immediately got swamped with work, which is what we wanted in the first place.  I just got tired of waiting in California, so I thought I'd maybe just start driving, and then he'd meet up with me, and that ended up finally happening in Indianapolis.  So, just in case you were wondering, the whole "drive cross country by myself" was totally my doing, and if I ever mention that I'm going to try that again during winter, please feel free to refer me back to this post, where I swear I will never do that again. 

Anyhoo, we're in Indianapolis, we stay with Angela and DJ, and then....

We get snowed in.  For the first time.  Of many times this will happen to us during "Cross Country Snowmageddon Move."  Actually, we tried to leave the very next day, and it was snowing so hard we only made it about 10 miles before we texted Angela to tell her we were coming back, and we spent the rest of the day taking naps and eating cookies and making snowmen in the backyard.  It couldn't be helped, ok?   I like how being snowed in automatically gives you the excuse to be lazy.   I think I needed the rest anyway after all that driving and stress.

So, two snow days later, we set out from Indianapolis determined to get a bunch of miles under our belts, and so we did.  In fact, we got so many miles under our belts that we ended up in Pennsylvania, mere hours after they got 24 inches of snow. 

I'm going to save that part for next week, because it's a little scary.   Also, did I mention I did this whole thing in a Prius which I am now sort of afraid to drive because it might go all "runaway?"  Yeah, lots of stuff to work out this month.  Good times.

This update is taking way longer than the trip, I know..

So, just based on the content of my last post, did you know that the Google AdWords started serving up all these ads for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder treatment centers and medications?  What the what?  Does it really have to be like that, Google AdWords?   Really?  I'm just talking about my personal demons over here, and I don't need to be profiled in that way.

 

Or maybe it's some kind of reaction to the fact that I keep saying "I must be crazy to drive all that way/ move to the east coast during Snowmageddon."   If you're following the Culwell / Cox life in real time, we found a house and we're now just waiting for our furniture to be deliverable, since there is so much frigging snow in our driveway, the truck can't get up here.  Steph is rocking his NYC studio and loves taking the train in between the two and is kicking ass with his work (here is a photo of him getting his shovel on last weekend), and I am finally digging out from work that keeps piling up. 

Actually, I have to say I have done a pretty good job keeping up with The Work, even with all the change and the moving and the snow and the driving and then....the sickness.  The Sickness!

 

Right, I have to apologize for the delay between posts-- last week I got further waylaid by another big snowstorm, and then I caught a virus that involved stomach pain and a fever, and you know how I get when the fever kicks in.  Yikes!  I wrote a little bit of this update before I caught The Sickness last week, and finished it up just now, after Stephan revived me and forced me to drink Gatorade.

 

After Tulsa, I actually did get a decent day of driving in, covering the rest of Oklahoma, then Missouri, and finally ending up in Effingham, Illinois.  Oh, you've never heard of Effingham?  Well, did you know that it's the "CROSSROADS OF THE MIDWEST," or something like that and therefore they have a 200 foot tall cross there, just for funny.   There was no Residence Inn in Effingham, so I switched over to the Comfort Suites, which was actually really nice, AND they didn't even care about the dog or his size.  Take that, Residence Inn!   The day after the uneventful almost 600 miles where there was no crying and semi-decent weather, I stuck around in Effingham for a day to do some work, and my dad drove up from Kentucky to take me to dinner and check the air in my tires.  I'm serious-- he totally checked the air in my tires, and took me out for a brownie sundae.  Nice.

 

The next day....wait for it!  I finally meet up with Stephan and see my bestest friend from college, all in one day!  The trip is almost over, and you already know it has a happy ending!

Then What Happened? Then What??

After my last post, where I am stuck in freezing fog and shrieking,  my friend Shannon commented that she was glad these posts weren’t happening in real time, because frankly, that would be a little scary.  I agree; plus, who has time to write blog posts when you’re driving with a big incognito dog and you’re shrieking?  No one does.

So, did I say I spent a whole day recuperating after Freezing Fog Day?  Well, that was not entirely true.  I spent about 8 hours sleeping and then 8 hours trying to work, and THEN MY DOWNSTAIRS HOTEL NEIGHBOR STARTED BLASTING HIS STEREO REALLY LOUD, and for some reason he would not listen to the authority of the Residence Inn guy who called to tell him to turn it down, so I got all incensed and rather than start shrieking at him about how “all I wanted was a little peace and quiet” when I was probably going to get busted for having an over-the-poundage-limit dog if I made a scene, I ended up leaving so at least I could feel like I accomplished something that day, and since the weather was pretty good.  That night I got from Oklahoma City to Tulsa, which if you’re keeping track is about 100 miles, but bear in mind that I had planned to do zero driving that day, plus it was nighttime, plus it was snowing again by the time I stopped, so I think I get extra credit.   

And, what is the dog doing this whole time, you might ask?

 

He is doing this.  Yeah, he's a big help.  

  

Next Day of Road Trip Update: Freezing Fog!

 Previously on "Lori went insane and drove across America in a Prius with a big dog," we saw Lori drinking tea and hanging out with Theatre of the Mind rockstar Kelly Howell.  Feeling refreshed and mellow, Lori then takes off, determined to drive all the way from New Mexico to Oklahoma in one day.  Has Lori consulted a map?  Yes, but apparently Lori has failed to check the weather reports, because after driving allllllll the way to Amarillo Texas, where she could have stopped for the night, the insanity kicks in and she decides to skip dinner in favor of making it to Oklahoma.

 

OKLAHOMA, people. 

Little does she know that right past Amarillo, she will encounter a two-hour long stretch of something called "freezing fog," which is very much akin to DRIVING IN A CLOUD, ok?  She cannot turn back, she figures that the fog HAS TO LIFT EVENTUALLY, and drives through the fog screaming at the top of her lungs until she finally gets in touch with Stephan, who talks to her for two hours through intermittant cellphone droppages.  

 

Why am I writing about myself in the third person?  I don't know, I started out the "previously on," and then it amused me.  Oh, ok-- so, freezing fog?  ZERO VISIBILITY (you probably figured that out already).  Also?  Nowhere to pull over between Amarillo and Oklahoma City (make a note, in case you are going to make this drive during the next Stormageddon).  Also, you have to drive about 40 miles per hour because you can't see who is ahead of you.   And, why the hell did I take this picture, when I was clearly driving at the time?  That's not safe!

 

What time did I finally get to Oklahoma?

 

1:00 in the morning.  That's right.  1:00 in the morning, no dinner, screaming, then having to eat a tiny package of miso soup because remember, I can't leave the dog in the car or the hotel, and there are no stores open because it's 1:00 in the morning. and the guy at the Marriott Residence Inn looks like Jesus, and I'm going to go apeshit on him if he gives me a room next to the road construction on the highway, but I'm trying to get him to hurry up with the checkin, because my "totally exceeds the poundage limit for your hotel" dog is outside turning into a dogsicle.   

I'm going to just let you imagine for a second how long it took me to pull myself together after that day.  Let's just say I did not make my mileage goal on the day that followed, preferring instead to eat cookies and watch a Law & Order marathon.

 

This concludes the trip manifest labeled "New Mexico to Oklahoma City."