Sad Holiday Songs, Volume I

We're leaving for New York on Sunday, so I'm trying to get all my funny in before we do, since when I travel I end up writing all my blog posts in a black composition book, then transcribing them when I'm back in the office. 

Again, this is something that probably only I notice. The holidays bring up a lot of mixed feelings for people, and I think those feelings are well reflected in a number of songs that SOUND cheerful, but in reality are far from it. Think of me the next time one of these gems pops up on your Holiday Compilation CD you got from Best Buy.

 

1. I’ll      Be Home for Christmas. I think the      Frank Sinatra version is probably the most depressing. This song is clearly told from the      perspective of someone who is fighting in an overseas war, so they will      decidedly NOT be home for Christmas. Thus the biting “if only in my dreams” tag at the end. Ew! It burns! He’s probably      holed up in a hospital somewhere with no legs, eating MREs (Meals Ready to      Eat, in case you’re not a military kid like me) and reminiscing about when      things didn’t suck so much.
       
       
2. Baby,      It’s Cold Outside. The original      date rape song. “OK, thanks for      dinner….I’m just going to go home now” “No….baby it’s cold outside, why don’t you stay for awhile….take      off your coat…..” Translation: we’re snowed in, I’m certainly not      putting the chains on my tires to get us out of here, and so, frankly, you’re      not going anywhere.
       
       
3. If I      Get Home on Christmas Day (Elvis)…notice that the operative word in the      title is “If,” not “When,” implying that while he’s going to do his      darndest to tear himself away from the drink and the dice, he is probably      not going to be successful again this year. Elvis also gives us the stunningly      depressing “Blue Christmas,” where he knows you’re going to have a good      Christmas, but without you he’s never going to smile again. So, put that in your cranberry sauce and      smoke it.
       
       
4. Do      They Know It’s Christmas? Remember      this one? Um, I don’t know about      you, but when I’m getting my turkey and stuffing on, I definitely do NOT      want to think about starving children in

   Africa

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5. The Christmas Shoes, by NewSong. This one is about a little boy who’s trying to raise money to buy his mama a pair of shoes for Christmas—because she’s DYING, and he wants her to look nice in case she meets Jesus tonight. Not surprisingly, this one doesn’t get much airplay anymore.