Funny Strange....

Ten Low-Key Los Angeles Celebrity Watching Locations

I'm posting this list because this is a question I hear all the time, and people seem to want something they can print out and bring with them when they visit.  And hey, who am I to say no?  I have the info.  If you already live here and don't care about this kind of thing, maybe you should go back and revisit some other hilarious lists, like the ever-popular Bad Halloween Candy post from 2006. 

You’re planning a trip to Los Angeles—maybe for the weather (almost always nice), the food (plentiful and delicious), or the shopping (don’t even get me started).   Thinking it might be nice to see some celebrities in their natural habitats, but don’t know where to go?  Don’t bother with the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Mann’s Chinese Theater, or Star Tours, unless what you want is to see other tourists.   Not that those places aren’t fun—they are!   But they’re not the place to see Toby Maguire, if that’s what you’re after.

Here’s the deal—if you’re planning a trip to Los Angeles, you want to maximize your time hanging out in places where celebrities actually go.

First, though, a few rough guidelines:

1.    Hide the camera.  You want to actually see the celebrities, not have them run away from you.  Having a camera around your neck will make them think you’re a paparazzo (or worse, a TOURIST!), which is the quickest method to get them to walk (or run) the other way.

2.    Don’t acknowledge them.  There is a little game we like to play in Los Angeles and New York—it’s called “ignore the celebrity.”  You are too cool to talk to them, anyway!  If you catch Mel Gibson’s eye, feel free to smile and nod, but definitely don’t ask for an autograph.  That is the surest way to get booted out of a place like The Ivy. 

3.    Dress casually.  Most of these places are “errand running” or “casual eating,” so if you’re wearing your finest attire, you’re probably going to stick out like a sore thumb.  Also, you might be doing a lot of waiting and/ or walking, and you don’t want to have on uncomfortable shoes.

Now that we’ve done the rules, here’s the list of the best places in Los Angeles to see celebrities in their natural habitats.  Hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times!

1.    Your first stop should really be Robertson Boulevard, especially the 100 – 200 blocks (North and South).  In a few short blocks, you can find stores like Kitson, Lisa Kline, Madison, Tory Burch, Ghost, Intermix, and Diavolina, and restaurants like The Ivy, Newsroom Café, and Michael Richard Patisserie.  Oh, and about 100 paparazzi, and whoever they’re chasing at the moment.  Spotted here (a mere sampling, not a complete list):  Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Tori Spelling, Paris Hilton, Halle Berry, Lauren Conrad, Jessica Alba and many, many more.  Make a day of it!  If you must take celebrity photos, Robertson is probably the best place to do it, since they’re already being snapped by the paparazzi.  What’s one more camera phone?

Slightly further up the road in West Hollywood (a key city for celeb-spotting), you’ll find eateries King’s Road Café and Toast, the next two on the list.

2.    King’s Road Café, at 8361 Beverly Blvd (right down the street from the Beverly Center).  Excellent chopped chicken salad, frittatas, and coffee.  Spotted:  Famke Janssen, Kirsten Dunst, Jessica Alba, Salma Hayek, Brody Jenner, Jeremy Piven, John Mayer.

3.    Toast Café, at 8221 W Third St. is also an excellent brunch choice, and is absolutely crawling with celebrities, especially at lunchtime on weekdays. Great salad and sandwiches, and they also make a really good cupcake (though don’t expect to catch any starlets eating one).  Spotted:  Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, Nicky Hilton, Katie Holmes, Kelis & Nas.

4.    The Chateau Marmont, at 8221 Sunset Blvd, is probably the place where you’re most guaranteed to see at least one celebrity.  Hang out on the patio (be sure to order something so you don’t look like you’re just there for the stars).  Spotted:  everyone!

5.    Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, at Sunset/ Fairfax Plaza.  Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton made a name for himself sitting at this very location every day, and although he works from an undisclosed location now, he can still be seen here occasionally, as well as everyone else who’s “trying to avoid the paparazzi.”  Spotted: Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, Carmen Electra, Vanessa Hudgens, too many others to list.

  The quiet town of Santa Monica is also a good place to spot celebrities doing their thing. 

6.    Whole Foods.  If you need groceries while you’re in Los Angeles, you might want to get them at the Whole Foods on Wilshire and 18th in Santa Monica.  They have a great selection, and you can maybe also see Meg Ryan, Benjamin Bratt and Talisa Soto, and the guy from Napoleon Dynamite.  I’m just saying.

7.    The Viceroy Hotel, at 1819 Ocean Avenue, has a pool in the back where you can order a club sandwich and hang out.  They also have a good bar and some amazing architecture and interior design.  Remember the Viceroy from Christopher’s trip to Los Angeles on the Sopranos?  Spotted:  Kardashian family, Owen Wilson, Katherine McPhee, Orlando Bloom, Mila Kunis. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention Brentwood, where celebrities can also be seen doing “Stars Are Just Like Us!” things like shopping and getting coffee. 

8.    The Brentwood Country Mart, at 225 26th Street, is a group of family-friendly stores where moms like Jennifer Garner, Brooke Shields, Marcia Cross, Kate Beckinsale, and Naomi Watts can often be seen.  Incidentally, the BCW also has a rotisserie chicken place called “Reddi Chic” that makes the best chicken and fries basket in the area. 

9.    Didn’t get enough celebs at the Brentwood Country Mart?  Head up San Vicente to Bundy and sit at the Starbucks for awhile.  Spotted:  Diane Keaton, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, Naomi Watts, Jim Belushi, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Fergie.

If it’s Old Hollywood you’re after, head up the road a bit to Malibu, where you can almost always find a celebrity or two in one of the following places:

10.    Malibu Country Mart, at 3835 Cross Creek Road, known as the “center of Malibu,” has hosted everyone from Steven Spielberg to Mel Gibson, Ali McGraw to Pamela Anderson, Courtney Cox and David Arquette to the entire Baldwin Family.  If that’s not enough, they even have a Ben & Jerry’s.

So. Awesome.

If I ever have a kid, I want them to be able to do this:

What's Your Sign?

In case you don’t know this interesting tidbit about me, I use walking as my primary form of exercise and “thinking time,” to the tune of about 2 hours of walking per day (yes, per day).  I’ve always done this, and I really count it as one of the most enjoyable parts of the day--- in addition to killing multiple birds with one stone (exercise, contemplation, walking the dog, running errands), I also listen to a lot of books on tape, AND I end up coming up with themes for this blog, like this one, which was compiled over a series of days in which I kept randomly looking up and noticing these hilariously-worded signs.

This first one I like because it’s so vehement, but in ways that are maybe only known to the person who made it.  This hangs in the window of the ham store on Wilshire--- the ham store that has a line around the block on Easter and Christmas, but like, one or two people in it the rest of the year, so I always wonder exactly how they’re making their rent.  Apparently it’s not by making specialty ham sandwiches, as evidenced by this gem of hand-made signage:

This sign was clearly made by someone who’d had ENOUGH of people asking for deals on roast beef sandwiches and turkey sandwiches at the ham store.  They sell HAM, ok?  Get it straight!

I also really like this one, which is less of an instructional sign and more of an existential consideration:  you MAY park here, or you might not.  It’s really up to you.  You might also want to park in the E*Trade parking lot, because it has valet.

This one caught my eye as I walked by and watched a lady try to get in when the bank was closed, then stand there and stare at the sign for a full minute, as if the time-space continuum of the bank’s hours were lost on her.  Or maybe she noticed that the bank is open the same hours Monday – Thursday, AND Friday, so maybe, like me, she was wondering why Friday needs its own separate line on the door.

I noticed this sign on Friday night while stopping by for a cheap hot fudge sundae (because I’m nine):

Now, granted, this sign appears in what we’ve termed the “Most Depressing and Hopeless McDonald’s in West L.A.” mostly because it’s almost all outdoors, and is filled with homeless people in various stages of losing their minds and/ or eating fried food.  But, they have an outdoor service window and you can walk right up with the dog, so that’s why we do there.  I do think it’s interesting, though, that this “No Panhandeling/ Loitering/ Trespassing” Sign is done up in “McDonald’s” branded typeface, and that it has the little McDonald’s M on it so you know where you are.  You can almost hear the “I’m lovin’ it” themesong, only applied to each of these:  “Da da da a DA…No trespassing!”

And finally, I really like this meta-sign, which is right next to a sign advertising flan.  You see, they have the flan sign out, but they don't have the actual FLAN yet, so-- sorry!  Or, are they sorry that it's coming soon?  We may never know.  Logic would tell ME to just keep the flan sign behind the counter until the actual flan is available, but this works too.

Funny Strange Podcast Alert!

This week's podcast:  Slow News Week.  Stephan makes a white trash dinner, I get a farmer tan/ burn, Cosby puts out a rap album, earthquakes in Reno and the midwest, and Lori Culwell's Green Tip of the Week, and-- Whatever Happened to Impossibly Easy Cheeseburger Pie?  Check it out!

Tidbits

***Because Stephan and I watch Jeopardy! every night (keep your comments to yourself), I just noticed that our Tivo keeps suggesting things like “Matlock” and “Perry Mason.” Does my Tivo think I’m 75 years old? Damn!

***After a blissful 11 day break, I got my editorial notes for Hollywood Car Wash, so now I have to start rewriting again.  If you already read that book, watch out! There is so much backstory coming in the new version, you’re not going to believe it!

   You're certainly going to want to buy it again when it comes out next year.....

***On the continued subject of the “War Against Junk Mail,” Rachel sent me this awesome site, and right now they’re totally getting me out of catalog hell. www.greendimes.org.  Who knew?

***The newest book has made it through SIX readers, and now I’m just waiting to hear who is going to take the series. Yay! I’ll have news on that soon. 

 ***I’m working on a magazine article about disgruntled Stay at Home Moms, so if you know any of those, send them my way, ok? 

Funny Strange Podcast Alert!

Hello hello!

We're back from the lovely mountains of Big Bear-- actually we were back on Sunday, but then we were tired, and putting our notes together, so no bloggage yesterday, and today---PODCAST!

This week's podcast includes:   our trip to Big Bear and how we turned into old people, Canterbury's Law with Julianna Marguiles, the World's Strongest Man competition, how Bringing Home Baby is the most frightening show on television, how Stephan read a piece of copy that called for a "Gilbert Godfried type," and how one celebrity allegedly has abnormally large testicles.

Oh, and also-- how I HAVE TO GIVE UP CHOCOLATE!!!!!!

Is That a Poem In Your Pocket......?

Today is New York City's annual "Poem in Your Pocket" Day, in which New Yorkers carry around a favorite poem to share with friends.  Even Mayor Bloomberg wrote a poem!  Unfortunately I'm not in New York at the moment, but I figured this blog was the rough equivalent of my pocket, and so I've created some haikus, just for the occasion. 

Pocket full of words
Unironic form of speech
I will play along

This reminded me of grad school, when I used to sit in philosophy class and dream of ways to make the concepts more amusing.   Sometimes I drew cartoons of, say, Noam Chomsky vs. Jacques Derrida in an epic battle of intentional obfuscation, and I can't BELIEVE that no one ever made trading cards out of these ideas.  Sometimes, I wrote haikus, none of which I could find today, but this inspired me to re-visit the themes and write some new ones,.  I think they're funny, but they're really only going to make three people who read this blog laugh.  And if you're one of those three people, hold on to your hat!

Heidegger on life
Hermeneutics factical
Historicity

Derrida's problem
Structure has a genesis
Already structured

Structure sign and play
Chain of determination
Where is the centre

Ah, I could amuse myself like this all day, which is probably why I only did the Master's degree and not the PhD.  Also, this reminded me of one of my favorite sites, which is totally dedicated to Haikus about SPAM (the lunchmeat, not the unwanted email.  The SPAM-ku archive lives here, and you can even submit one of your own.  Please feel free to post your favorite poetry (or write some of your own) in the comments!

Yet Another Reason Why It's Proving To Be Difficult to "Go Green"

Remember when I started the war against junk mail, during the never-ending rewrite?  Yeah, that's still going, and here's another reason why.  My paper shredder, which usually looks like this:

Yikes!   Part of the reason why it gets this full is my own fault; I feel it is my responsibility to shred every piece of paper that even remotely has my name on it, and I will keep putting paper in it long past the point where it makes that slow, grinding noise that indicates you should really, really stop. 

There's also laziness-- the office is upstairs, the vaccuum is downstairs, blah blah, blah, and so I will seriously keep stuffing papers into it until smoke comes out, and suddenly it looks like it went to a paper shredder frat party and did one too many keg stands.

Oh boy.   This requires a large Hefty bag and a once-over with the vaccuum.  So, it's love and hate-- I looooove shredding, but hate cleaning it up.  Also, I'm contributing to global warming (I think).

So, this is the reason I started calling up companies and asking them to stop soliciting me, but now I have a totally different conundrum-- if I don't get any junk mail at all, I will never again see hilarious attempts at marketing like this one, which arrived yesterday:

 This is a fake "boarding pass" sent to Stephan by some company, to try to entice him to use their services.  Notice how it says Destination:  Somewhere Wonderful, and Departure:  The Sooner the Better.

Really, I don't even know where to start with this.  First of all, they're sending Stephan a ticket to "Somewhere Wonderful," but they're not putting him in First Class?  Um, who sits in coach in a fantasy???   They're offering him a "Domestic Flight," meaning, of course, that he's not even allowed to CONSIDER Europe as a vacation spot, because they don't have a partner airline that goes to Europe?  Also, I think it's hilarious that this "ticket" is so old school-- like, are they trying to entice him to go somewhere in the Seventies?  Does their airline also travel back in time?   Finally, why did they only send one?  Did they think he was going to go "Somewhere Wonderful" by himself, and if so, why didn't they offer to get him a date?    So wrong, and yet-- so funny.

Funny Strange Podcast Alert!

OK, we were so busy this weekend, we just got to the podcast.  But oh, it was well worth the wait, and now it's here to entertain you on tax day!   Included in this week's edition-- why it's too hard to go green, how our dog is embarrassing us right now, how Stephan is trying to be more Zen in everyday life, marriage landmines, the aforementioned Brentwood Street Fair, pygmy goats and giraffes with messed-up necks, and much, much more!

Here are some photos, to entertain you while you listen. 

Stephan demonstrates the "finger tazer," from his story about how his dad used to get really mad and point at him.

Here's a real photo of that giraffe with the bent neck at the Santa Barbara Zoo.

And here, once again, is the world's stupidest kangaroo, who can't figure out how to hop out of the pen with the open top.

Still not ruling out that he wrote a famous book...

Over the weekend I was in line in back of a guy in Starbucks, and I started eavesdropping on his conversation with the barista.  Now, I say “guy” because I didn’t recognize him, or maybe I just wasn’t paying good enough attention.  Did I mention I was in line buying coffee, and that without coffee, my brain can’t be held accountable?

My brain snapped to attention, though, when the guy said these words:  “I need my latte to go…. I wrote a famous book, and now I can’t stand the attention.”

This is the part where I took my sunglasses off so I could see if he was serious.  But, come on—the very statement “ I wrote a famous book” pretty much guarantees the fact that you did NOT write a famous book, right?  And, besides, even if you wrote a famous book, are you really so recognizable that you can’t sit in Starbucks in Brentwood?  Really?  Because Usher can sit there, and so can Diane Keaton.  Not that they wrote famous books, but you get my point. 

Anyhow, Famous Book Guy wasn’t done, and now I’m starting to think he wrote a famous book—inside his own mind.  You know what I mean?

“Usually my female fans are the most aggressive,” Famous Book Guy says.  Barista Woman nods in a deadpan way.  I’m sure she sees this kind of thing so much, SHE could write a famous book.

Ok, then Famous Book Guy got his decaf whatever latte, but instead of leaving like he said he said he’d need to because of the book-buying mob that was right around the corner, he SAT IN FRONT OF STARBUCKS, outside, where people could see him and such.  Now I’m curious, only you know I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of approaching him and asking him what his deal is, thereby validating his “I wrote a famous book” fantasy. 

Finally, the barista came out for a cigarette break while I was still sitting there, so I was like “hey, what book did that guy write?—the one who said he wrote a famous book?” 

And she goes—

“Nah, girl, he crazy!  He ain’t write no book.  He’s crazy or something, but clean crazy, you know?  Takes a shower and keeps the crazy under control, but comes in every day with a different story.”

Still not ruling out the fact that he actually did write a famous book, but I just think it’s funny that the Starbucks woman was so totally over him, no matter who he was. 

Oh, also?  That new Pike Place roast Starbucks introduces as their daily brew?  Delicious!

What's new?

In case you didn't catch it in the last few posts (or maybe I just didn't say it boldly enough for fear that it wouldn't be real),

I AM FINISHED WITH MY NOVEL!!!!

Now it's official, as at least one of my super-secret readers has finished it and deemed it "great....obsessive!  I read it in five hours!"

Aah, it feels good just saying I'm done.  Two more people are reading it now, and unless they point out some egregious errors (like--"hey, where'd that character go?"), I'm hoping to pass it on soon.  I've never actually had this experience so I might be talking out of turn here, but I totally feel like I had a nine-pound baby.  Dude!

So, maybe you've noticed the nifty little countdown widget to the left, and are wondering what it is!  Well, I'll tell you.  On May 6th, Neutrogena is launching a new beauty networking site called Beautiful for Good (www.beautifulforgood.com), and I'm going to be their "LifeStyle Expert.!"  Definitely go over there and sign up as the launch gets closer-- it's an awesome site, looks great, and is going to be a really fun interface and network.  Also, if you like Funny Strange, you will m ost certainly enjoy this brand of humor when applied to the scary things at the bottom of your makeup bag.  So come over there and talk about it!

That is One Stupid Kangaroo.

I can’t believe I sat on this picture for four days, but I was putting the finishing touches on the new novel (which is now DONE and being road-tested by a select group of readers while I hold my breath for feedback).   

Now, I turn my full attention to the kangaroo I saw at the Brentwood Street Fair last weekend.

Now, first of all, let us really qualify the words “Brentwood” and “Street Fair.”  When you think of a traditional street fair, maybe those words conjure up images like street food (which they did have, although it was definitely more high-end than your traditional hot dogs/ hamburgers), music (yes, they had that too, though it was a REALLY good jazz quartet), and kids’ activities (yep, also had these—FOUR bouncy-houses, face painting, pottery, etc).  I guess what I’m getting at is that Brentwood isn’t going to do anything that’s low-end, so it should really have been no surprise to me that the petting zoo they set up at the corner of Bundy and San Vicente (in the grassy divider in between the streets) was so very….fancy.

And by this, of course, I mean high-end, that it didn’t even stink, and that there were two clean-looking llamas, a bunch of cute little pygmy goats, and one of those exotic cows with the hump on his back (sorry—I don’t know anything about different cow breeds, and I’m just not motivated enough to Google it to find out what kind it was).  Oh, and also, they had this kangaroo, who was just hanging out  in a cage with his huge legs splayed out.  I like the way he's propped up on his tiny little front legs, like he's having you over for dinner and is pleasantly making conversation with you.  "So....what subjects are you taking in school?  Yeah?  That sounds interesting....."

Even though it’s a more, shall we say, upscale type of petting zoo, it’s still a petting zoo, which means those animals are not exactly in their natural habitats.  Personally, I have nothing against zoos, because I always figure those animals were either born in captivity (meaning they’d have absolutely no shot in the wild), or were slow enough to get caught, so they’d be someone’s dinner anyway, so now they have a nice life, albeit a life in a cage.  So, usually I just hope that animals like this have a pretty decent life, get fed and petted regularly, and don’t have to worry about getting sent to the glue factory, because they are actually making children smile.

I’m on the fence about this kangaroo, though.   I mean, they didn’t have nearly enough space to let him out, and kangaroos are NOT friendly, so there was no way he was going to be out and interacting with the kids.  So, I kind of get the look on his face, like “This totally sucks.”  He looks a little like he’s plotting something, like “oh man, I can’t WAIT until they come to give me my kangaroo kibble.  That’s when my nefarious plot to take over Brentwood will begin.  Yes.  Yes!”

Here’s the thing you can’t see, though—this kangaroo is in a pen with an OPEN TOP.   Um, doesn’t he know that kangaroos move around by JUMPING?  Doesn’t he know that he can, at any time, just break out and go hopping down San Vicente to freedom?

Apparently he doesn’t, which I guess means this kangaroo is stupid, which then answers for us the conundrum of why he’s the kangaroo in the petting zoo that little children can pay $3 to stare at, but that no one can touch.  He’s a special kangaroo, you see.  And by special, I am meaning “can’t figure out how to jump out of a cage with an open top).  So there you go.

Incidentally, we were at the Formosa on Monday night after the staged reading of Steph’s play (which went great!), and I told this story to someone, who then replied that they had a kangaroo story of their own (because who doesn’t?).  Apparently he worked in publicity for Warner Brothers when that movie Kangaroo Jack came out, and as part of the PR for the movie’s launch they closed down Hollywood Blvd and tried to have a kangaroo race.  However, as we’ve already established, kangaroos are neither intelligent nor motivated, so after all the prep, all the hassle getting street permits and paying people to bring kangaroos and let them loose in the streets of Los Angeles, the kangaroos just kind of stood there, going “What? I’m a f*&king kangaroo, okay?  You don’t tell me what to do.”

Even MORE Exciting News!

Oh my gosh, I can't even believe I forgot to put this up until now.  But, I guess with the finishing of the new novel, plus the staged reading of Steph's play, plus the podcast, plus the fact that I'm starting a new blogging job at the end of the month, it's understandable that something this AWESOME could slip my mind.  Get it?  Because of all the awesomeness?

So, if you get "The Writer" magazine or "Writer's Digest," you've already seen this, but check out this great ad iUniverse took out about me and my success with Hollywood Car Wash.  So cool!  Of course, I knew they were doing it, but it's always nice to see something like that in print.  You can click to enlarge it, or of course you can run right out to the newsstand and buy a copy of The Writer or Writer's Digest.    Or I guess you could go publish a book with iUniverse, which is the whole point of the ad. 

Got Plans?

If you live in the Los Angeles area, please join us TONIGHT for a staged reading of Stephan's play "Sex! Death! Violence! Humor! (A Ghost of a Chance)," which will be performed at 8:00 pm at The Blank Theatre in Hollywood.  Here's the info:

SEX! DEATH! VIOLENCE! HUMOR! (A GHOST OF A CHANCE)

Written by Stephan Cox
Directed by Susan Boulanger
Cast: Kate Connor, Andy Hirsch, Deanna Hurst, Megan Malloy, John Thoms

 

Devin Small has a problem: he wants to be famous. On the verge of 40, Devin is a desperately unhappy adult working a dead end job. So he does what anybody else might do. He takes a dinner party hostage at gunpoint, one attended by a television producer (who, unbeknownst to either man, is Devin's half-brother), and forces him to put Devin on television, live. The broadcast becomes an instant sensation, attracting millions of viewers across the country and the world.

There's only one hitch. Devin Small is already dead. He put a gun to his head at the top of the show. And we're only hours away from the worst terrorist attack in US history.

How could this be? Guided by an omniscient spirit named Tophie Sandwiches, we travel back in time to meet beatniks and businessmen, poets and Soviets, through chaos and chance, to the one stark moment in 1933 where it all began. Or perhaps that moment, too, is simply another blip in time, itself the product of a series of events and connections that can be traced back to the Big Bang. In the words of Tophie, "everything happens precisely as it's meant to. Except when it doesn't."

Funny Strange Podcast Alert!

We did the podcast a little early this weekend because we both have a bunch of stuff going on.  But-- here it is! 

Topics discussed include (but are not limited to):  Steph's new computer, the template-nature of Law & Order:  SVU,  how Naomi Campbell can't pull it together for on minute to fly on a plane, how celebrities are avoiding me,a very amusing story about an old guy in a bar, and a discussion about how the last time we were at Disneyland, you could still buy cigarettes at the Main St, USA gift shop.

Oh, also?  If you want to see the pregnant man on Oprah, you can go over here to watch  most of the clips.  I'm telling you, the guy is down to earth. 

Celebrities Are Avoiding Me.

Okay, so you remember how I mentioned playing the celebrity “I don’t see you” game in Los Angeles and New York? This culminated for me in a classic game of this with Brooke Shields, who I used to see all the time at the Brentwood Country Mart (a place where Jennifer Garner also goes a lot), and who my dog tried to sniff a couple of weeks ago (um, he doesn’t know about the “I don’t see you” game, so he figured “what the hell? I’ll sniff her. She’s good to sniff. Why not?”)

Anyway, the universe must have heard me saying I play this game, because lately? 

Nothing. 

I mean, we live in Brentwood, which has got to have the highest per capita celebrity population of any city in this United States, right? And every day I’m on this site, and this site, and sometimes this site, seeing people walking down sidewalks that I just fifteen minutes before was treading to get coffee. You’d think there would be an unlimited amount of famous-person funny to go around. Dom DeLuise at your garage sale, anyone?  Meg Ryan trying to steal my parking space?  Yes.  Yes!  This is what people want!  I need some "celebrities freaking out in Starbucks" to report, right?  That would be awesome!

What gives? Don’t these celebrities know that it’s funny when I see them and write about how I pretend NOT to see them? Don’t they know how this entertains you?

I’ll be out and about tomorrow and the rest of the week, just to tell you if I see anyone intresting. But, you’d probably have better luck seeing who’s in my neighborhood by visiting the Celebrity Baby Blog, where they have great pictures and which I will not admit that I check more than once a day, especially when I’m rewriting.    And, speaking of that, I think I'm going to be DONE with the new novel by the end of the weekend.  Whoo hoo!

Still Going....

In case you're curious, I didn't end up going to the east coast for work after all, so I'm not at the Martha Stewart taping right now.  But, I might as well be on business travel for all the free time I don't have, since I'm still trying to whip this rewrite into shape before starting a totally different writing job next week (announcement is forthcoming as to what that is!).  Suffice it to say that there's a point in every novel, where it starts to take shape, and the re-working and additional writing feels sort of like you're on the downslope of the hill.  I may be there now;  I will know more tomorrow.   

The only possible explanation for why a rewrite would take this long is that it's intended to be the first book in a series, which means there are ALOT of things to put into place in the first one.  Because you know, there are totally people who write to me on MySpace, and are like "You know that part, in Hollywood Car Wash, when she's celebrating her birthday?  Well, technically, not enough months have gone by, so it wouldn't be her birthday yet, and....."  etc. Fill in the blank.  I'm just saying that readers pay more attention than I think they do, and probably in book # 5 in this new series, they'd be messaging me on MySpace, like "You know that part, in book one, where they were going somewhere in the car?  Um, they're not 16 yet, so that couldn't happen."  Like that.    Or maybe they'd wait and leave it in the Amazon comments of the book.

Also, I seem to have taken a large amount of photos of hilarious food in the grocery store, when I was still in the "procrastination" phase of this book, and not on the "uh oh-- people are waiting" phase.  For instance, did you know that at Ralph's in Brentwood, they have a locked case in the front where they keep vodka and baby formula?  Yeah, they do.  It looks like this:

Are these the two most stolen items at the grocery store, I wonder?  Do they taste good when mixed together? 

Last but not least,  there is an ad about me and Hollywood Car Wash in the latest copies of Writer's Digest AND "The Writer," neither of which I have been able to find on the newsstand.   So-- that's cool!  I'm supposed to be getting copies via Fedex soon, and will certainly scan and put those up here, for your enjoyment. 

Funny Strange Podcast Alert!

Well well well.....we came in from San Francisco on Sunday night, just long enough for me to do laundry and re-pack, record the podcast, and now I'm leaving again for New York for the week on the 12:55 plane.  Oh yeah!  I'm going to a taping of the Martha Stewart show on Thursday, so I'm sure I'll have some fascinating things to report when I return.

Rewrite status:  almost DONE!  Just have to put the edits in to the actual Word document (because believe it or not, I still write everything by hand, then transfer it into the computer, where much editing then ensues.    Here is a photo of a stack of handwritten notes which have been half-transcribed into a roughly 250 page manuscript, then cut and rearranged again.