Operation: Stink

So, we flew back on Friday, went directly from the plane to another holiday party, and by 10:30 pm I was so tired I could practically see through time.   Did that stop me from not only taking a seminar, doing a freelance job, going to another holiday party, AND Christmas shopping this weekend?  No, it did not.

Also, I was working on a very, VERY important side project I've been calling Operation:  Stink, or Project Stink, depending on the day.   Operation:  Stink is about some gym clothes of Stephan's that are made of polyester (apparently they "wick" away sweat, who knew), and sometime a couple of months ago, he started leaving them in the washer when he got home, where they were free to mold and fester for a few days, so that even when they'd been washed in HOT WATER with soap, they were still stinky.  I was never aware of this, as none of my clothes have this problem (and, ahem, none of my clothes are made of polyester), and in fact, I didn't even know that it was possible for clothes to still smell after they'd been washed.

Anyhow, while we were in New York, he took the aforementioned stinky gym clothes, worked out in them, then put them in a PLASTIC BAG, where they achieved a level of stink that was quite unprecedented-- one might even say toxic.  Let's put it this way-- they were so noxious that when we got home, I super-hot water washed and dried them, just so I could figure out what to do next.   After they were done in the dry cycle, I sniffed one of them and almost passed out.  That is how still-stinky they were.   At one point, we were actually considering setting fire to them, just to kill the stink demons.

But, lest we forget, I like a challenge.  Challenge is the character-builder of life, right?   Did I mention I had to write a SECOND Master's thesis after my committee didn't like my first one, and that this took a whole year?  Yeah.   I've done WAY harder things than this, and so, over the weekend, I was obsessively determined to figure out a way to save the clothes.    First, I BOILED them, like a woman in freaking medieval times with a cauldron or something.  After boiling, I put them back in the washer with tongs, super-hot washed them again, then dried them.

Guess what?   Boiling them did not kill the super-fungus that was living in these clothes.  Still stinky.  Working out in them again resurrected the smell, and so I went back to the drawing board.

Next, I went to CVS in search of color-safe bleach, which I gather they only make in the context of detergent.  Since I figured detergent alone was no match for the task, I moved on to Target, where they have a whole section of stuff for your laundry.  No color safe bleach there, but I did find some liquid OXY CLEAN, WHICH, IF YOU'LL RECALL FROM THE COMMERCIALS WHERE THEY GUY CAN'T STOP YELLING, IS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN YOUR TOUGHEST STAINS.

I would like to interject for a moment, though-- how come they don't make a product that's just for getting funky smells out of your clothes?  Stain-fighting is one thing, but I'm sure other people have their own "Project Stink" and need something specific to deal with it.  Maybe something containing Agent Orange.    They totally should make "Tide for Stink."  That would sell. 

Anyhow, back to the OxyClean.  I pre-soaked the clothes for FOUR HOURS in a sinkfull of liquid OxyClean, then super-hot washed them with Oxyclean and detergent, then super-hot washed them again in a different washer (ours is high efficiency, and I thought the lack of water might be one of the problems).

Et....voila!  Two days, four washings, and four hours of pre-soak later, I was victorious in the Battle of Stink.   Even another workout could not bring back the funk, if you know what I'm saying.   Turns out, that guy has every reason to be SHOUTING ABOUT OXYCLEAN!  IT REALLY DOES WORK!

Oh, and in case you're going to give me a hard time about the Women's Lib, clothes washing is one of the things I do in the house, because I have zero knowledge of how to cook, but I really like eating.

Comments

[Brandi McKay]

With three children, a hockey playing husband, one dog and two cats, I too have Project Stink going on in my house on occasion. And while I appreciate that you discovered the antidote to stink, and may even try it sometime in the future, I think burning the offending article and buying new ones, may be a cheaper solution. I know your time is worth more, right? I'm just saying.