As you might be aware, today is my birthday, and so I have pre-written this blog post, just so I can fulfill my "International Day of Me" mandate and take the day off. So, right now, when you are reading this, I am probably getting a manicure. Of course, that shouldn't stop you from leaving some "Happy Birthday" messages for me in the comments, which I will be reading tomorrow. Oh yeah.
Stephan doesn't want to be my guest blogger this week because he has his own work to do (imagine that!), but he has been cracking me up more than usual lately with his wittiness, so I thought I'd write up a few funny conversations from the past week or so and share them with you.
Last week I got ten free Soyjoy bars at RiteAid (you can read about how I am all clever like this on my other blog, of course), and I left them in the cabinet with the rest of the protein bars, granola bars, and other healthy things that we're supposed to eat instead of the giant box of Moose Munch [Stephan adds: OMFG! Moose Munch! A substance made by the very god Odin himself!] that we still have on the kitchen counter from Christmas. I'll let you guess which one I've been paying more attention to.
Anyhow, Thursday night I was at a graphic design class at UCLA (because I am trying to expand my mind, somewhat successfully) when I got an email from Stephan, which read:
From: Stephan Cox
Re: Soy Sadness
So I made dinner, and I pulled a strawberry Soy Joy bar out in advance for dessert. Never tried one and was relatively excited about it. I finish my dinner, tear into the package, take a bite and OH MY GOD SO DRY. I couldn't make saliva for like three minutes. It tastes like vaguely fruit-flavored spackle. The cartoon woman in Soy Joy's ads is obviously happily jumping rope because she's EATING SOMETHING ELSE OTHER THAN A SOY JOY BAR.
Jesus.
s
Mind you, I'm reading this while in class, where I'm a) probably supposed to be learning about design theory and not reading my email, and b) trying not to burst out laughing at the concept of Stephan being felled by a Soyjoy bar. [Stephan adds: not felled; I spit it into the garbage under the sink. Where it will never biodegrade, because it contains no moisture]
When I got home, he was still all incensed and dry-mouthed and I was still laughing, and he said that he ALSO wanted me to know that Ben & Jerry's came out with a new flavor in honor of the Obama victory, and it's called (wait for it) "Yes….PeCan."
That's right. "Yes….PeCan." I'm going to keep saying it so it gets right in your brain like a worm and starts working its magic. Never mind the fact that it's pronounced "PE-CAWN."
That's not even the best part, though. The reason he was annoyed by this was not because it was a bad flavor name [Stephan: even though it decidedly is], but because, years ago, he submitted "ParlaMINT CHUNKadelic" as a proposed flavor, which I have to agree is much better than "Yes….Pecan," and they didn't use his idea.
PalaMINT CHUNCKadelic is pretty funny, don't you think? He even had a whole concept about using rainbow candy pieces to represent George Clinton's multi-colored braids, and having a promotional tie-in.
Oh world, why don't you take our good idea? [Stephan: we’re clearly ahead of our time. Note to people of the future: enjoy our many fine Lori & Stephan statues and mausoleums]
By the way, when I got home I tried the SoyJoy bar, and I actually liked it. I don't know if this means I have weird tastebuds from too much Zicaming, or perhaps an abnormally large amount of saliva to compensate for the dryness. All I know is, I will be eating the rest of them. [Stephan: Bon Apetit, baby]
