Whoooooo--- hoooo! Sorry for that last post.
Hey, when I bring it down, I bring it ALL the down, right? After that last post, like three different people were all "Wow....that post was sad, and it made me tear up a little bit....snap out of it!" Well, I guess they didn't really say that last part, but I feel guilty when I use you guys as free therapy. So-- back to the funny! This was a post I wrote on the way home from New York a few weeks ago, about how I have so much hair, I look very bad in hats. Is that more what you're looking for? Well, no problem. I don't really like talking about the dusty and depressing Storage Unit of Doom anyway.
I have this theory, and maybe I'm wrong and it's only true about me, that the more hair you have, the worse you look in hats. I'm basing this theory completely on the unscientific observation that I have alot of hair and most (all) hats look terrible on me, and Stephan has (ahem) much less hair, and almost all hats look great on him.
This is rarely a problem-- until you get to the east coast in the winter, where it is so cold outside that even if it looks terrible on you (me), you must still wear a hat to keep your ears from freezing and falling off. This is the one time I will make an exception to the "hats generally look bad on me" rule in favor of suffering hypothermia. Now it's a running joke, and every time I put on a hat, Stephan describes approximately what I look like. I am totally not saying this to make him sound like an a-hole, because he is not one, and I am participating in this game as well and think it's funny. What I'm trying to say is-- he's not making fun of me, we're both just observing this phenomenon with amusement. We can spend an hour in a hat store this way.
I went to the east coast with my two least unflattering hats, and here is a short compilation of one-liners that we compiled during the week:
"That hat makes you look like a Fisher Price character."
"I look like I just got back from the merchant marines."
"What's that, seaman Culwell?"
"This one looks like a condom on top of my head. How is it possible that it looks so good on you, and so bad on me?"
And so on. I keep trying to find one of those beret-type hats that looks good on me, and frankly, it just looks like a hair-sack. But, as Stephan says "Bad hats aside, you're the one with the hair-- so you win."
I solved this problem once by buying a green wool hat with green wool dreadlocks sticking up out of the top. This hat was so Muppet-like and absurdly ridiculous that it detracted from the "Hats Look Bad" factor and just captivated people with its weirdness. I have a similar-looking black hat, but it looks a little like that of a court jester.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, this is the one time of year I am happier living on the west coast, because the hat/ winter hair problem is really an issue that plagues me for three months when I live on the east coast.
