Oh, I'm sorry. Were you finished? Well, allow me to retort!

Sometimes people leave comments on this site, and they make me laugh, because a) what are you doing here if you don't like me? and b) based on what I've already written here, is it not clear that I'm going to make fun of you if you say something bad about me and you say it in a way that makes you sound stupid?  Because dude, if you come here, read some stuff, and then leave a comment with bad grammar and weird words, I'm sorry.  Game.  On.

 

With that in mind, I will draw your attention to this GEM of a comment I received the other day, in response to that post about how absolutely everything is bad for you now, how everything you're doing is wrong, and how the minute you try to change something, some hippie jumps out of the woodwork to say "Oh, oh my GOD, NO!  That's even WORSE!" until literally, you want to take a bite of rare steak right in front of them, then squirt them with DEET-laden insect repellent.  By the way, I would just like to mention that I got alot of positive feedback on that post as well, indicating that many of you have similar feelings.  So, thanks for that.

 

So, here's the comment.  I am leaving off the person's email address, because that would just be rude. 

"The Hilarious Thing about Broadcasting and advertising is that it is RIPE for the picking.
Do you just mention Tom's of Maine and mouthwash just to make them show up in the GOOGLE ADS that run next to your column or were you just BORN TO create Irony while making straight fun of those selling advertising.
Not the first time you have done this Lori.
Oh no it's not!"

First, let's notice the Totally Strange and somewhat Random Capitalization method that this person is employing.  This is Weird, and I'm not sure I'm Getting Your point, sir or ma'am.  Did you mean RIFE with irony, or RIPE for the picking of that irony?  Because I was Distracted by the capitalization, Further clarification will be Needed to illustrate the Meaning of your opinion.

To answer the question at hand, though, you are correct, oh Strange Capitalizer.  Indeed, Broadcasting and advertising ARE both ripe for the picking and rife with opportunities for mockery, which is why I sometimes deconstruct them for strategic comical purposes on this blog.  And, contrary to perhaps popular belief, I do not control the internet, so I am not in charge of what GOOGLE ADS are served up.  So, it could happen that Ironically, I am writing something about how Tom's of Maine mouthwash probably tastes like patchouli, and because it's based on an algorithm, the Google Ads robot would run an ad next to that post that links you over to buy some Tom's of Maine products, BECAUSE THE WORDS ARE SIMILAR and that's how the robot works.  Of course, we would all agree that after reading the words "Tom's of Maine mouthwash probably tastes like patchouli," you would be statistically less likely to purchase that product, but that is not really my problem.  Hey, maybe you LOVE the taste of patchouli, what the hell do I know?  This would also hold true for Latisse, the eyelash-regrowing product that I called "insane and irrational," and yet which ALSO generated an ad next to the post.  Again, maybe you don't CARE if I think it's insane and irrational to change your eye color just to regrow your eyelashes, and maybe after reading that post you decided that Latisse was for you, and you're painting it on your thin and sparse lashes even as we speak.

Further, I"m not sure what is meant by "were you just BORN TO create Irony while making straight fun of those selling advertising."

Is this a question?  Clearly I was BORN TO create Irony, and to make words, which is why I have been and continue to be employed as a writer OF BOOKS AND WEBSITES, and even of some words for ADVERTISING.   

I also really like that they've pointed out that this is not the first time I've done this, and added my name and "Oh no it's not!" as if they were my dad, and I stole their car and went to a party and came back after curfew smelling like wine coolers.  "Lori!  Continued repeated mentions of Ironic ADVERTISING references will result in grounding!  Oh yes they will!

So, in closing, please feel free to leave all the comments you want, and I will in turn feel free to censor you by erasing your comments, then turning them into blog posts.  Because, please remember that when I mocked Mischa Barton for being a bad actress (because MISCHA BARTON IS A BAD ACTRESS), not only did I get a bunch of weird comments, but I got smack-talked in a Mischa Barton chat room.  Further, being a writer requires that not only are you immune to the disparaging and sometimes ridiculous comments of people who don't like you, but that you develop a certain eye for those that deserve to be recognized and even highlighted, with a whole post of their own. 

In closing, I will say that I am no stranger to the mockery, and I (and my readers) take great pleasure in returning the ball, should you Choose to THROW IT OUT in such a funny way, RIFE with grammatical errors and RIPE for the re-mocking.  I guarantee that I am not even the most sarcastic of my group of friends and readers.  Oh yes I do!

Comments

[Shannon]

OMG, hilarious. Sigh.

[Rachel]

When gmail first came out, my friend and I had fun trying to make the ads say what we wanted. Do the comments help in generating the ads as well? Because if so, I'm about to have some fun:

alien babies
gonorrhea
gonorrhea
gonorrhea
alien babies with gonorrhea
Southern Comfort
French alien babies born with a bottle of Southern comfort in their hand
Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney smocks crack
Dick Cheney smocks crack and drinks Southern Comfort
Dick Cheney can suck my balls
Dick Cheney has gonorrhea
Gorillas in tu-tuDick Cheney sucks gorilla balls

Ok, let's see what comes up in the ads...

[Rachel]

Also, I think it's hilarious when people use similar-sounding, but wrong words in well-known sayings. Like "That blog is ripe with Mischa-bashing."

Something else I always notice, but am not a fan of, is when people refer to themselves as myself, in order to sound smarter. It makes me want to claw my eyeballs out. Like, "Myself and Lori are going to the book signing." AUGH! REALLY???? WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT THAT WAS OK? In other news, 80% of the people I regularly associate with do this.

[The Husband]

For SOME reason, certain people have an odd CONCEPT of what Capitalization is used for, as IF we're still conforming to Old English RULES about what GETS capitalized and what doesn't. For consistency’s sake, they might as well also use that long s that looks like an f, fo that all of your fentences look like they fhould read like thif.

Also, don't get me started on "other people" who can't quite get "the hang of" quotation "marks." NOT TO MENTION THE PEOPLE WHO CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING AND DONT USE ANY PUNCTUATION SO EVERYTHING THEY TYPE SOUNDS LIKE THEYRE YELLING YOU KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT DONT PRETEND YOU DONT.

Finally, in closing, may I say:

Cock Ring
Walmart
Anal Herpes
Walmart
Ann Coulter
Discount Walmart
Butt Plug
Sam's Club
Glenn Beck
Midget Sex
Walmart

[Heather]

Hey Lori-
Did Mr. Jory teach you nothing about the "alot=a lot" phenomenon in school or what? Sheesh, learn how to spell lady!
You know Lori, my 10th and 11th grade students suffer from the Random Capitalization Syndrome, and it really sucks to read over and over and over again, as I must. And you really are nitpicking aren't you? Rife, ripe, it's all the same.
Some people have far too much time on their hands that is often paired with far too little gray matter.
Finished Hollywood Car Wash today. First book I have read strictly for fun in a long time and well worth the wait! Congrats on your success!
Heather B. from PDHS Class of '91

[E Step]

Ahh but I do like you. Sorry you were offended. I just think it is funny strange in a meta kind of way that when one broadcasts to the general public (as in blogging) and links random ad robots to their column it attracts some crazy, ironic, and entertaining meta humor that was unintended. You have one of the funniest and most entertaining blogs on the net. And getting the script flipped on the ads makes it even more amusing in a cute but ironic way. I find this humorous because I find it incongruous and totally subversive to those that are paying for the advertising.
I stop by for a laugh and usually get more than one.
And even laughed at the deconstruction of my comments in this column. I recognize that my whimsical writing style put you off. I meant no harm. Was just waxing lyrical. In an inspired way.
But you still make me laugh.