Funny Strange, by Lori Culwell

Also, your finger is way too long and pointy

A simple product name is best, don't you think?

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Oddly specific

I Am Wondering a Few Things About the Olympics.

Maybe because I'm a writer at heart, I find myself thinking at least once a day "what is the backstory behind that?" or "How did we get here?"

Lately, with commercials for the summer olympics beginning to appear more and more frequently, I have one question rattling through my brain--

How exactly does one discover an affinity for some of these Olympic sports?   I'm talking about javelin, shot put, or maybe synchronized swimming even. What is the backstory behind a large woman who can really throw the hell out of a big heavy ball?  Does that come up during high school, maybe?  Are there Olympic scouts who scout for track and field sports like running, for instance, who also have their eye out for people with over developed shoulders?  Is "javelin scout" a thing?  I would really like to know.  What about powerlifting, which up until now I was calling "that clean and jerk" thing with that really heavy weight where it looks like the people's arms are going to come off?"   Is there a moment in high school when your gym teacher pulls you aside and says "Hey kid-- come over here and try to live a 500 pound weight!   Just try it!  Yes, you are most likely going to get hurt."

Here's why.  I went to a public high school.  I'm pretty sure we had a track team, though honestly, I wasn't that into team sports, so I never went to a track meet and I can count the number of football games I attended on one hand.  In my defense, I did grow up in Palm Desert, where it is so hot, you simply cannot believe there are people on that field doing any kind of sporting event when it is over 100 degrees outside and you feel as though you might burst into flames yourself and you're not even running at full speed in a circle, and it is very unbearable to sit in the stands getting sunburned and watching them.   I actually feel kind of bad for the kids who run track in the desert, because I am positive they are not getting the full "team spirit" kind of support that, say, the football team gets, because they play in the fall and winter.

Anyhow, I have included here a list of sports that will be included in the 2012 Summer Olympics, and I would like us to take a moment to ponder-- what brought these fine athletes to a career in, for example, synchronized diving?   I would love to know the set of circumstances that led up to each and every one of these atheletes' performance at the Olympics, including "HOW/ WHY DID THEY START DOING THIS?"   After looking over this list again, I have to say I am thinking this the most about "Trampoline" and "Handball," which I actually did not know were Olympic Sports and which frankly just sound like things bored public school kids do while they wait for the bus.

I'm not even trying to be disparaging-- I totally love and am inspired by the Olympics.  I just think some of the sports are obscure enough to be hilarious, and I take pleasure in pointing these things out.

Diving

Swimming

Synchronized swimming

Water polo

Canoe/kayak (sprint)

Canoe/kayak (slalom)

BMX

Mountain biking

Road cycling

Track cycling

Artistic

Rhythmic

Trampoline

Volleyball (beach)

Volleyball (indoor)

Dressage

Eventing

Jumping

Freestyle

Greco-Roman

Archery

Athletics

Badminton

Basketball

Boxing

Fencing

Field hockey

Football

Handball

Judo

Modern pentathlon

Rowing

Sailing

Shooting

Table tennis

Taekwondo

Tennis

Triathlon

Weightlifting

 

Daylight Savings Time, Playstation Vida, and a Bestselling Novel

You guys! I have been so tired and cranky lately, and I'm blaming this on Daylight Savings Time and the sudden onset of spring. I know, I know, my mother in law and I are the only ones that actually get sad when spring starts, and everyone else looooooves warm weather and blah blah blah so I'm not going to go on about it at length, but I am wondering if there is an "opposite" equivalent of that lightbox thing, so I can get my gloom on. Spring makes me tired and gives me a headache, ok? I don't know why.  It's possible that I might be a vampire of some kind.  

I think I've finally accepted that spring (possibly summer) is here to stay, I'm over the "spring forward" jet lag and have finished another book deadline that involved approximately one kajillion screenshots that needed to be re-sized, so I am feeling more amenable toward Funny Strange-ness now.

I would like to discuss this commercial, which keeps playing on Hulu. Let me first throw this out there--is it a good idea for our society to be encouraged to play MORE video games? I just don't see "you can take your video games with you" as being the encouragement to care about your fitness that, for example, Michelle Obama is talking about. Aren't there people with video game addictions, and by providing them with portable versions of these games, aren't we just feeding this addiction, like giving garbage to a hoarder? Also, this probably goes without saying, but this kind of thing is guaranteed to make some people Darwin themselves out of the human race because they are playing a game and walking into a crosswalk at the same time. 

This commercial makes me want to do an intervention, but I'm not even sure where to start intervening. Dude! If you're so unhappy with your life that you have to play video games up until the moment when you go to work, then you are anesthetizing yourself with that video game during your morning commute (possibly at the risk of your life because, as you can see, that guy is NOT looking both ways before he crosses the street), I'm just throwing it out there-- YOU ARE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED AND IN NEED OF SOME THERAPY.

Oh!  Now I'm going to say something positive, so watch out!   Here is some cool news.  My YA novel, "The Dirt," is doing really well on Amazon right now-- in fact, it is now # 1 in several categories.  Since this is the second time this has happened with a book I wrote (the last one being "Hollywood Car Wash"), does this mean it is ok for me to call myself "Bestselling Author Lori Culwell?"  Because you know I've been wanting to do that for years.  

Here is the proof!  I am so not making this up.

In case you haven't read that book yet, HERE IS THE LINK GO AND BUY IT RIGHT NOW.

Hilariously non-specific.

I like how there's no photo, no description, nothing. Just call them if you lost ANY dog, ok?

Soda bread + Guinness = Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I have concerns....

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