In case you’re wondering, yes, it really is all that. Which is why I was particularly upset when I realized, several weeks ago, that one of the jugs of water in our “emergency preparedness kit” had sprung a leak and ALMOST LEAKED ON THE DYSON.
Upsetting, to be sure. I took everything out of the closet to clean it (because the Dyson is a perfect piece of engineering excellence and demands a tidy living environment), threw out that jug of water, and then laid everything in the kit out to dry.
And then I laughed, because when did the emergency preparedness kit become the repository for food you just don’t really like?
Here’s what we’ll be eating after the zombie apocalypse:
--Baked beans containing enough sodium to actually give us hypertension. Of course, there is no hospital after the zombie apocalypse, no doctors, and no medicine, so it might be “Death by Baked Beans” for us. Incidentally, these beans only made it into the kit because we were trying to stop eating so much sodium.
--Lara Bars that, when I ate them for the first time, I spat out into the trashcan and yelled “WHY ARE THESE SMOKE FLAVORED?” I'm guessing that when I'm starving after the apocalypse and it's a choice between eating the dog (who would assuredly be very gristly) and eating one of these nasty bars, I would be able to eat a whole one without having it fall out of my mouth from grossness.
--FiberOne bars that I got tired of. Because you know, when it's the apocalypse, you want to be sure you're regular.
--Pumpkin pie mix left over from Thanksgiving. Admit it-- when you’re trapped in emergency mode, nothing says “Everything’s going to be ok” like eating cold pumpkin pie mix with a fork.
Did I also mention that I found no can opener in this kit? Also, candles, but no matches. Some of my teachers from Palm Desert read this blog, and right now they are going “How many times did we go over earthquake drills and emergency preparedness? How do you only have baked beans, Lara bars, and one jug of water?”
I think the logic behind putting unwanted food into your emergency preparedness kit is that you figure: 1. This is food you probably are never going to eat, 2. If an emergency arises, you will be so hungry you won’t care what the food tastes like, and 3. The chances of an emergency arising and everyone everywhere running out of food are actually pretty small, so you’re probably just putting that food into the emergency kit to die. I just think it’s funny that, during the time when you would probably want delicious food the most, you’d be eating the leftovers and dregs that you really, REALLY didn’t want in your daily life but didn’t want to waste or throw away.
So, I guess where I’m going with all this is, simply:
What’s in YOUR emergency preparedness kit? I would love to hear if you’ve packed it with food that you don’t really want.