Today I saw a guy totally blow through a red light while speeding and unsafely changing lanes, and then, as if I was receiving a gift from Jesus himself, a cop popped out and busted him. I am not exaggerating when I say that every person in every car in the intersection honked and applauded, because you know that guy drives like that all the time and gets away with it, right?
I'm just saying, right place, right time, right complete a-hole driver. Sweet, sweet satisfaction.
This feeling was further reinforced when I went to traffic court on Thursday, and was witness to approximately 1,000 people appearing for crazy moving violations (like going 95 while talking on a cellphone), most of which they plead down to lesser charges and paid fines for, but it actually was reassuring to me to see people who obviously disregard traffic laws “have their day in court” and have to pay for it, so to speak. These are the people you see out and about, and you’re always mad because there’s no cop around to see them, but based on the amount of people in that courtroom, let me just reassure you: those people are going to keep driving that way, and they are totally going to get caught—maybe not right then, but they definitely will, and when they do, it’s not going to be cheap. So, just remind yourself of that the next time someone cuts you off going 1000 mph while smoking crack with their head on fire, because this revelation has certainly made ME feel better.
Speaking of revelatory experiences, I don’t know why, but seeing all of those totally guilty people in traffic court also extended to my non-driving life. Case in point: the other day I was walking down the street in NYC, and, in the course of a normal “walking by people on a crowded sidewalk,” a weird-looking woman PUNCHED ME IN THE SIDE, then kept walking like that was a totally normal thing to do.
Because I am me, I did chase after her and yell a little bit, and she continued to ignore me like nothing happened, but then I remembered the perspective of Traffic Court, and I realized—that woman probably punches people all the time, and one of these days, she’s going to punch someone who is even crazier than her and is going to totally punch her back, or who has a knife or a gun and an aversion to being punched for no reason.
The moral of the story is—if/ when you see someone doing something that is clearly wrong but you have no power over the situation, just remind yourself—that’s their freebie. They will continue to act that way, and eventually they will get caught. This is the way of the universe, my friends.