Hey, look at me! I'm back for Day Two of "One Year of Funny Strange Posts." Thank you ever so much for your supportive words on Twitter and Facebook yesterday. I super appreciate that, and will assuredly need to go back and read them again when I'm halfway through and cursing myself for promising to do this.
Today's missive is a snapshot into what it's like to live with Stephan and I. I lack perspective as to what other couples talk about, so when people say to me "you and Stephan are funny," I think maybe they're just being nice, that everyone probably has their own funny, right?
Then we have conversations like this, and I feel compelled to write them down for you. Here is a verbatim conversation we had about a month ago, while driving along in New York.
Stephan: I just saw a billboard for a business called "idriveyourcar.com." What is going on there? You can't take a cab?
Me: "Who, exactly, are "you"? Who will be driving my car? What is the insurance situation there? I don’t know you.”
Stephan: "And also, you're so attached to your Honda accord that you don't want to ride in the car service car? "
Me: "Right? And this is the basis for a whole business model? There are enough people who want to be driven someplace in their own car?
Stephan: "What, your car is specially equipped?"
Me: "What, do you have one of those cars that stores trapped wild animals? Do you really need to go to the airport in that car?"
Stephan: "And besides which, are you going to drive my car back to my house? Will you then goinmyhouse.com? I am not comfortable with that. How will I get my keys back?"
Me: "Right? Now I am more confused."
Then we try to figure out actual scenarios that might necessitate a situation where you would absolutely have to go somewhere in your own car. This turns into a game we like to call “Writer’s Meeting,” where we throw out different scenarios (and sometimes punchlines) until we hit upon one we like. This goes a little like that SNL segment “REALLY?!”
Here are some possibilities we threw out for real-life situations where you would need your own car.
n You have no legs, or you are a little person with one of those cars that runs with your hands.
n You transport organs, and you really can’t take a liver in a cab
n You’re a ghostbuster
n You have quadruplets, and no cab is equipped with four baby seats
n You own a wildlife removal business, and there is a rabies-proof holding cell in the back of your car.
n You have a body odor problem, and your car seats are specially-designed with charcoal to hold in odor.
We go on like this for seriously, ten more minutes, until I pull out my phone and go to the website, where I discover that yes, it really is a real service, and that this service is especially applicable to the east coast, where (wait for it) it’s really hard to find parking, so the “I Drive Your Car” person goes with you to where you’re going, then instead of you paying a fortune for parking, they drive around in your car and run errands for you. That is actually kind of cool, because there is NO WAY you could get a cab driver to get you coffee or pick up your dry cleaning.
I do have to wonder about the insurance situation, though. When theydriveyourcar.com, do youpayiftheygetaticket.com as well?
We never found the answers to these questions, but the answer is yes,
this is what it’s like ALL THE TIME in our house. Some people find it amusing and say we need
our own reality tv show, and some people want to run away, or perhaps drive
away, using IDriveYourCar.com. Call them! They'll come right over!
Seriously, what do couples talk about? Tell me. I want to know.