Funny Strange is Lori Culwell's blog

I Never Get Tired of This Kind of Stuff

I could take a photo of something amusing every single day-- sometimes, though, people post things on Facebook that are so funny, I have to bug them until they give the photos to me and let me put them up.  Another scenario would be-- you see something funny, you want to take a picture of it, and yet, you have no one who will think it is funny.

Let me be that person for you.  Trust me-- if you think it's funny enough to warrant getting out your phone and taking a picture, not only will I probably agree, but so will my (many) strange readers. 

Like this one, taken by Ashley Stiles.   I like to call it "gay ducks."  I have laughed about it at least once a day since she posted it.

 

Well done, Ashley!  I think the funniest part about this photo is that there are absolutely no other ducks around.  These two male ducks are like "yeah, we like hanging out together, ok?   Get over it."  In case you're wondering, female ducks are brown, so these are definitely males.




 

Here is one I took at Staples.  I think you'll agree, calling a plastic box that is maximum 2 " x 4" "really useful" is really pushing it, unless you are the one person in the world who collects teeny paper clips or Polly Pocket dolls and needs to sort them.  Even then, though, wouldn't you need a larger box in which to put all these little boxes, thus further negating the term "really useful?". I'm just saying.

 
This gem was sent to me by Rachel, who never fails to make me laugh on facebook.  Come on-- what if you're renovating your apartment building?  That's a big job-- are you supposed to think of everything, including what to do with all those toilets?This is an unsolvable dilemma!


Stephan often sends me amusing photos, either because he thinks they are funny or because he knows I will.  Like this one, which, as I think you'll agree, is a truism of life.






So true.






This one I took-- I think it falls under the heading "why is this a good idea, and how did this product make it all the way through the development process?  Yuck.





Really?   Chocorooms?






Finally, this is a picture and also a "happening," as this was taken during a real-life gps conundrum.



Um-- yeah.  This only aggravated my sense of directional dyslexia.  On the bright side, in my confusion I hit one too many buttons, and now the once-garrulous gps lady is completely silent, choosing only to give me vague directional suggestions like this one.  Frankly, even though I really need the help, I can do without her constant harping.  "make the next legal u turn!  Turn around!"

Photo Funny

It's been awhile since I've done one of these posts, and I realized it's because I mostly just throw these types of photos up on Facebook.  Really though, that's a shame-- here I am wasting so much cool technology on ridiculous and absurd things I observe while I am out and about, and I'm not sharing them with you anymore?  Pshaw!

Today's subject is weird food.   For example, here is a bucket of "party mix" that, frankly, looks like something that someone swept off the floor FOLLOWING  a party:

 

As you can tell, I am often amused in the grocery store.   I barely got the rest of the way down the aisle before I saw this fantastic product:

 

Let me get this straight-- one day (a few years ago), an executive at Frito Lay pitched "Spinach Dip" as a product..  OK, this sounds fine.....the new "spinach dip" product made it all the way through development, testing, focus group, and trial marketing, and no one ever mentioned that they should maybe use a DARK CONTAINER for this, because it looks so disgusting? 

OK then.   I don't work at Frito Lay, so I guess I am not in expert in products that should never, never have a clear container.  But, it seems like if I were an expert, this would be one of them.

Here's another product that I'm not sure should have made it all the way through development.  Actually, it might just be the advertising that's the problem here-- if you'll notice, the "breakfast bowl" product is eggs, bacon, sausage, and some other disgusting thing all inside a bowl that you can microwave, thus insuring that you consume the maximum amount of sodium and chemicals.  The problem here is that, until you look at it closely, this really looks like a bowl of cereal, and it is only your REALIZATION that it is actually a hot bowl of eggs and meat that makes it so yucky.

 

And really, if you don't have the time to cook a "weekend breakfast," maybe you should wait for the weekend.   What you're gaining here in terms of time, you might be sacrificing in sodium intake. 

This photo falls under the auspices of "Um....I would hope so."

 

Also, does this mean that they are only guaranteeing that the SEAFOOD is fresh, and not the rest of the food?  Again, maybe someone in advertising should have though through all the possible connotations and various meanings of this.

Friday Photos!

I've been saving these up for a long time, because I like to do a whole post dedicated to weird photos, and I like to take the cream of the crop for your Friday.

Like Summer Balls, people.  Summer.  Balls.

 

Not just summer balls (and cheap summer balls, at that). Summer balls that are special enough to deserve their OWN SIGN, made in a computer, thus compounding the funny by at least 1,000.

Here's another totally great sign that I saw in the drugstore.  I'm sure this news is supposed to be hopeful, but I still find it weird that there's a whole sign dedicated to it:

  I didn't want to make it so obnoxiously large that it would take up the whole screen, so I'll just tell you, and you can enlarge if you want. 

It says:
Coming in April!
Incontinence undergarments now made in styles for men and women!

Here's a photo I took, that I specifically had to wait until this guy left his car for fear that he would, I don't know, throw me in the back and take me to court?  Apparently he is a MOBILE LAWYER, IN CASE YOU NEED A MOBILE LAWYER.

 

This is a little confusing to me.  Wouldn't the time for this be AFTER you've gotten the speeding ticket?   You don't need him now-- you're parked in the parking lot of South Coast Plaza.    I'm guessing he does a fine business, though, or he would not have such a fancily adorned automobile.  Wow!

I saw this one in my local Starbucks, where they were doing this charity fundraiser thing for the troops.  They wanted you to buy coffee, then put it in the box so they could send it to the troops, right?  Sounds good in theory. 

Only, I had to stand in line for a long time to get MY coffee, so I got to think this altruism all the way through, and I decided that it is probably not a good idea to send COFFEE to our soldiers overseas, because they are probably jumpy enough with the gunfire and rockets and tanks and constant threat of death and all.  Or, maybe some of that coffee is decaf.  I didn't really look in the box once I started laughing.

Ashley P. and her funny boyfriend sent this one to me a long time ago, and I bet they thought I erased it, when actually I was saving it in a folder called "Funny Photos," and was waiting just for a post like this.

Just so you know, if you come across a restaurant, and that restaurant is called "SPITZ-- Home of the DONOR KEBAB," you definitely should send that to me, so we can all laugh and scratch our heads.  Donor kebab?  Really?  What exactly are they selling in this restaurant?   Has no one informed them how gross the words "spitz" and "donor kebab" sound together?  What is their restaurant grade?  I want to know.

Lastly, it's finally happened.  The economy has gotten so bad that SOFAS THEMSELVES ARE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!

Wow, I never thought I'd see the day that a whole class of furniture was just GONE.  Sofas are going, man.  It's a sad fact.   Apparently WOOD IS ALSO GOING OUT OF BUSINESS.

Oh, the brilliance of the camera phone....

I'm pretty sure this is not why camera-phones were created, but what the hell?  I think it's important to whip out that phone and take a picture every time I see something totally hilarious.  So useful!

Here's a gas station/ deli combination somewhere on Santa Monica.   What's funny about this to me is not that there's a restaurant attached to a gas station, although frankly, that IS pushing it a little bit, because this sort of implies that you are so hungry while you're getting gas, you can't even get back in your car and drive the extra mile down the street, where there are a bunch of sit-down restaurants (or at least fast-food places).  Like, no!  You got gas, and now you want a deli sandwich!  Fine, fine.

What kills me about this one is that they also offer catering, just in case you totally LOVE their food and want to call the gas station/ deli to cater your daughter's graduation party, or maybe your wedding.  "Mary, these sandwiches are just divine!   Oh, thank you--  I found a wonderful new caterer, right down by the gas station!"

Some Hand-Made Signs for Your Friday....

So, yeah-- for some reason, my feed-sender thing sent an unfinished version of yesterday's post.  I don't know why.  If you like, you can scroll down and see the rest of it.  It was almost finished-- I guess just not in time for Feedburner's satisfaction, although I did find it amusing that it sent the wrong version of the post, a whole day late.  Feedburner, pull yourself together!

I don't know if you share my enthusiasm for hand-made signs, but I have a small collection of them going, and sometimes I like to break them out and laugh at them all over again. 

Really, I think the best thing about these signs is thinking about the time and care it took to actually get on your computer, pull up Microsoft Word or whatever, make the sign, and stick it in the window of your business.  Like this one.  These converters were that important!!!!!!  They are in stock now, and the guy who owns this store wants you to know it!!!!!

 

Sometimes the best signs are unintentional.  This one started out as hand-done lettering-- the people who own this store were just trying to be courteous, I'm sure.  And then some hooligans came along, trying to be funny.

And it worked. 

Sometimes the signs are ambiguous, even though they don't mean to be, and this makes them even funnier.  This sign is perhaps indicating that the restrooms they have are only available to the people who work there, and not the annoying people who come into the place (probably every day) to ask if they can use it.  Still, the cumulative effect of this is a big question mark, like, wait, are the public restrooms just not available NOW?  Will they be if I wait? 

 

Moreover, who are these public restrooms not available TO?  The public?  Doesn't that really make them private restrooms, thus negating the very need for the sign?  I don't want to get picky--- only I do.  If you're doing to make a sign on a computer, then laminate it, then find the tape to stick it to the door, please make sure it's clear.  Because, even after this sign, I am still wondering whether this restaurant has a bathroom that is available to me.

This one is an oldie but a goodie-- I don't know why this makes me laugh every time.  Maybe just the thought of someone conceptualizing this, then going to their computer workspace (perhaps at home, that would make it even funnier), making this, again, LAMINATING IT (no easy task), then sticking it on a piece of merchandise.  The odd specificity of it is what really cracks me up. 

Last but not least, this is what you do in New York if you're one of those vendor guys who sells stuff out of a truck, and you decide to discontinue an item:

 

They want you to know, they no longer carry fresh-made pretzels.   In case you can't read the handwriting on the masking tape that is cleverly covering the word "Pretzel," it says NO NO NO NO NO NO, like, what were you thinking, asking them for a fresh-made pretzel?  Shame on you! 

That's it-- have a good weekend, and be sure to send me all the hand-made signs you come across.  Next week:  Facebook etiquette, signs that are funny but NOT handmade, and much much more! 

Photo Funny: Saving Them Up Just for You.

OK.  OK!  The big re-write was done as of last Wednesday, and now the proofing of the galleys is done (DONE!  DONE!) and off in the UPS, and that means I can turn my attention back to regular stuff, like getting manicures, and taking photos of this weird sign:

Um--huh?   Now, granted, this is outside of Costco, so they've had to come up with a way to dispense the HUGE amount of onions they'd need to provide every day to go on those cheap hot dogs, but I'm just not sure this does it.  Besides "ONIONS TURN CLOCKWISE" sounds like the name of a group of Flexus artists, or maybe some performance art group trying to be "edgy, man!"  Plus, oh MY GOD, I'm not even going to go in to how totally unsanitary it is to have a MACHINE FULL OF CHOPPED ONIONS that sits out in the hot sun all day.  Omigod, the onions that sit on the bottom, and get all gummy in that onion juice, and who knows how often they clean it out, and all this so you can turn a knob and get some onions?  Hardly seems worth it, does it now.  Does it???

This next photo comes from my cool internet friend Rachel, who, in her recent search for apartments around Los Angeles, took this photo of an unfortunately-named building:

Yeah, that's "Crapi Apartments," which, even if you spell it all French like that and force people to pronouce it "Crap-ee," kind of like De-mee Moore, is still a weird name for a building.  This makes me think the building was named by a non-native English speaker, and let's be clear-- I have nothing against the American Dream.  I just think that sometimes, when you see a restaurant called "Chicken on Fire," it's a dead giveaway that the name sounded good in their language, and when they got here to set it up, they didn't even bother to run out into the street to show a native English speaker the name and ask "Does this sound weird to you?"    So-- moral of the story, if you're opening an apartment building, or a restaurant, or a nail salon in another country, do yourself a favor and ask someone who lives there.  Then you won't end up with "Chicken Smiles Happening," or the "Crapi Apartments," which I'm sure are lovely inside.

Here's a gem I received from our mailman earlier in the week, after the (ancient) key broke off in the mailbox, and the handyman had to come over and drill the lock like a safecracker, after which we were left with an unlocked mailbox for, let's say 24 hours.  I left a post-it note in the bottom of the mailbox for the mailman to just go ahead and leave it in there, since I knew I would be getting it right after he left.  He left the following note OVER my note (and in lieu of any mail):

Nice.  I like how he calls himself "The Mailman," like he's a super-villian, and his power is withholding my mail.  "You will bow to the power of....THE MAILMAN!"

Also, I'd like you to notice that the main station where the mail in my neighborhood comes from is "Karl Malden Station."  I don't know why that is so funny to me.  Maybe you live in a place where your mail station is named after Martin Luther King, or Abraham Lincoln, or at least not Karl Malden, although yes, he WAS very good in On the Waterfront.  Also, in order to write this Karl Malden paragraph, I decided to see why the post office is named after him, and it turns out that the U.S. House of Representatives voted in 2005 to change the name of that post office to honor Malden's achievements in the industry.   Also, Karl Malden has a star on the Walk of Fame, and has been inducted into the Western Performers Hall of Fame at the National Cowboy & Western Heritage Musuem in Oklahoma.  No word as to whether he actually gets his mail at the Karl Malden Station post office.

Also, if you wondered during that last paragraph if celebrated actor Karl Malden is dead or alive (no shame), you might want to check out this awesome little site, Dead or Alive Info.   It seems like this site might come in quite handy during party games.

Speaking of Brentwood, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I have a collection of photos like this one:

So-- let me get this straight.  It's easier to have some of your friends come over and lug your 400 pound, 1970's refrigerator down three flights of stairs, rather than just calling Goodwill to come pick it up?   I think this made me laugh because it's just sitting there so unobtrusively, like you could just reach in and get a cold beer-- in the middle of the grassy part of the sidewalk.  Nice.  I like the "Works Good" sign as well-- classy, and totally free of the confines of good grammar.  Because, let's face it-- you're already breaking the law by dumping your garbage in front of your building.  Who cares if you know the difference between "Good" and "Well"?  Not your problem. 

By the way, this was gone within a couple of days, so obviously the sign worked. 

A Collection of Funny Photos, Just For Your Monday

Dude!  Alot of stuff happened over the weekend, right?   First Bernie Mac dies, then alot of Olympics excitement, then ISAAC HAYES?  Damn, who could have expected all of that?   All I have to say is, Samuel L. Jackson better watch his back, because guess what?  All three of them starred in "Soul Men," which is due out on November 14th.  John Legend is also in this film.  Will it come out?   Will everyone in it be dead by then?  Your guess is as good as mine.  That's really sad about Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, though.  Two very talented men, who will be missed.

So, ok, now that we all need cheering up, I've been collecting all of these photos for a long time now, and I thought I'd share them for your Monday.  Some of them were sent to me by people who knew they were blog-worthy, and some were taken by my cellphone.  Putting a camera in a cellphone, for me at least, has got to be one of the greatest ideas of this decade.  Because you know what?  There is alot of funny stuff in the world, and it really needs to be documented by my cellphone. 

Here's the first one.  McDonald's is offering this again, and once every couple of months I like to get one, because, um--hello?  A Snickers in a milkshake?  That's just good sense.  I took the photo, though, because as we were walking by, Stephan saw the sign and said:  "Wow-- Snickers McFlurry.  Worst... stripper name....ever."

Maybe I put this one up already, but I can't remember, so if I did get over it. I really like it-- it's a hand-made sign I saw in CVS one day.  I think they're trying to indicate some kind of sale, but all I can think when I see this is "It's like paying $3.99-- because so many things are."

Stephan was sitting next to a possible homeless, definitely very weird guy in a coffee shop one day, and took this photo.   This snowglobe might be filled with urine.   Yes, that's gross and all, but really-- how'd he get it in there?  That is some complicated business right there.   Maybe that guy should be  putting his energy to better use.

I cut  this out of a newspaper here in L.A., because I think it does a really good job of showing just how important aesthetics are out here.  I think the asterisk is because this doctor offers foot surgery, but not for like, people with arthritis or bunions or anything like that.  Oh no no-- he's just going to make your foot look like a "normal" foot, so you won't be constantly haunted by the shame of having uneven toes and way, way too much money.  What I'm really wondering, though, is-- does he take the piece from the third toe and transplant it onto the second toe, thereby creating a Franken-toe?  To me, knowing you have a Franken-toe would be much worse than knowing your toes were just uneven.  Then again, have you seen my second toe?  Maybe I should call and get some foot surgery* myself.

My friend Alex sent me this one, and even though it's kind of pixel-y, I think you can clearly make out the words "Frozen Hispanic," right under Frozen Snacks and Frozen Sweets.  This grocery store-- they like diversity.

This is another one of my favorites from the 99 cent store, where I go sometimes to buy things like dish soap, and to laugh.  I like that there's so much effort put into the fact that they're NOT RIPPING OFF CHEETOS, ok?  THEY'RE NOT!  Also, what's with the little guy at the top?  Is he supposed to be a piece of popcorn?  Why's he saying "That's what it's all about!"?  What's "what it's all about," Popcorn Man?  I'm just baffled by this.   It goes to the place in my brain where anime also goes-- the "huh?" place.

I took this last one in my local grocery store, just to amuse you.    It's a vat of some seafood salad thing called "Seafood Louie," and it's all I can do to not burst into tears every time I walk by it, so totally convinced am I that it's a) been there all day, and b) is going to make someone sick.  I'm so disturbed by this that I actually hold my breath when I walk by it, lest the mayonnaise-y, seafood-y germs suddenly become airborne and I inhale them.  I know it sounds crazy, but-- JUST LOOK AT IT!   Who would buy that?  Oh MY GOD!  Oh, and if you have no idea what I'm talking about, maybe you should go back and read this article, which basically explains how I have the OCD, and it manifests itself in fear of food.  I have some other crazy quirks too, but I'll save those for another day.  OCD really is hilarious, you know.

Hey, by the way--if you see something funny, like urine in a snowglobe or a sign that says "Frozen Hispanic," you should definitely, 100% take a picture and send it to me.  People need to laugh, man!  Help a brother out! 

This is what I do when I feel bummed out....

Stephan and I are gearing up for the podcast where we tell you the "Greatest Airplane Story Ever Told," but in the meantime I noticed that there are, like, a zillion pictures of funny stuff in my phone, and I haven't been writing about any of them.  I've been taking more photos lately to cheer myself up, because too many days of bright sunshine in a row and I start to get the OPPOSITE of "Seasonal Affective Disorder," and I get all grumpy and depressed and start grumbling about "why's it always 75 degrees here?" and "when's it going to rain?"  This is a delightful trait, I'm sure you'll agree.

Anyhow, I spotted this Globe Magazine in a store last week, and took this photo because, well, there are so many funny things about it.  Of course, it's not funny if someone actually IS plotting to kill Doris Day, but.....I mean.....is this a Globe magazine from the 1950's?   If someone were really after Doris Day, wouldn't they just need to go to whatever condo complex in Florida she's probably living in?   Why would there need to be an actual plot?  Moreover, and I know I'm going to get some crap for saying this-- is Doris Day still alive?   If she is, by my calculations she would be approximately 85 years old, which means whoever's plotting to kill her could really just wait for TIME to do the job for them.  Know what I'm saying?

Or, is this like an "Old Conspiracies" edition of the Globe, and they're also going to discuss the "trouble with the Reds" and stuff like that? 

Really?

 
I was walking along in New York the other day, when I saw a guy wearing this charming t-shirt.  Ordinarily I don't care about this kind of thing, because I figure a guy like that is his own worst enemy.  But-- here's what got me.    He was with a woman.  She wasn't bad looking, either.  I kind of looked at her for a second, like, "you're supposed to regulate this kind of thing."  And by that, of course, I mean that once you're in a relationship, it's time to stop wearing shirts like this, mostly because whoever you're with will tell you, in no uncertain terms, that this t-shirt is stupid, and that no self-respecting man would be seen in public like this.  I don't even mean I want to censor people or I'm the morality police--- I just mean that once a real relationship starts, it's time to pack away this t-shirt.  Because really, now you're just making your girlfriend/ wife look bad.   Alone, it would have been believable that you didn't know any better.   

Maybe I've got it all wrong-- maybe it was his sister, and they're in a family of yuk-yuk jokesters, and she gave him that shirt for his birthday, because THAT would be totally hilarious!  But, I don't think so.  I think he was just embarrassing, and she knew it, and everyone who passed him knew it, and that made me a little sad for her.   

Incidentally, I saw a guy walking along today wearing a t-shirt that said "I LOVE BOOBIES!"  Not surprisingly, he was alone.