Funny Strange....

Tidbits

***Because Stephan and I watch Jeopardy! every night (keep your comments to yourself), I just noticed that our Tivo keeps suggesting things like “Matlock” and “Perry Mason.” Does my Tivo think I’m 75 years old? Damn!

***After a blissful 11 day break, I got my editorial notes for Hollywood Car Wash, so now I have to start rewriting again.  If you already read that book, watch out! There is so much backstory coming in the new version, you’re not going to believe it!

   You're certainly going to want to buy it again when it comes out next year.....

***On the continued subject of the “War Against Junk Mail,” Rachel sent me this awesome site, and right now they’re totally getting me out of catalog hell. www.greendimes.org.  Who knew?

***The newest book has made it through SIX readers, and now I’m just waiting to hear who is going to take the series. Yay! I’ll have news on that soon. 

 ***I’m working on a magazine article about disgruntled Stay at Home Moms, so if you know any of those, send them my way, ok? 

Tidbits: NYC

We got to New York yesterday and I'm running around to a bunch of meetings, but I thought I would throw out some random bits that have been floating around in my notebook.

**Following last week's post about the terrifying state of breakfast cereal characters, I received a totally hilarious email from a friend who postulated the fact perhaps Lucky the Lepracaun and Snap, Crackle, and Pop (among others) are just GAYER than they've ever been, and since it's more ok to be gay now, the cereal people are just letting the characters be "out."   It's a good theory, and I might never look at breakfast cereal the same way again.  Consider it the next time you're at the store.  I know I will.

**Ever since I started doing this blog, I now see weird stuff all the time.  Case in point:  on Saturday I was walking down Wilshire in L.A., and I saw an old woman carrying just the head part of a parking meter.  Not only was I surprised that a relatively slight woman could carry what I had previously thought to be a really heavy object, but I seriously debated making a citizens arrest.  Seriously?  Are regular people allowed to just, TAKE the top of the parking meter?  You just have no idea how much I wished I'd had my camera at that moment.

**Following the Zombie Flu of 2008, I have decided to join my husband in his germaphobia, since I got The Virus and he didn't.  So, now I'm slowly learning the way of the Hand Sanitizer Carrying Warrior.  Do you even know how many times you touch your face per day?  All I'm saying is, once you start paying attention to this kind of stuff, it grosses you out a little.

Oh, Fishballs.

Hey, do you know how much I absolutely LOVE rewriting?  (note sarcastic tone)
That's what I've been spending most (all) of my free time doing this week-- revising this Young Adult novel, so no posts, and frankly, no mood for funny.  I have a week-long, rewrite-induced headache.  You know what sucks?  Cutting your writing, dude.  Ouch!  But, guess what?  If you wrote something, maybe nine months ago, and now it doesn't go with the new plot you've developed?  Out!  Gone! 

So, that's what I've been doing, and no, I'm not done.  However, I have passed the painful "cutting" phase, have the structure in place, and now I just need to add the meat of the story back in, which is actually better than it sounds.  Next week includes a trip to San Francisco and promises to be much more lively. 

Here are some things I keep meaning to mention, so you can laugh even as I'm stuck in rewrite purgatory:

---Remember the 80's party from last year?  Well, this year's theme is "White Trash," and you know what?  I'm going as Britney Spears, even though that might be a little insensitive, given her current mental situation. 

---You know how I love writing about that person named Groovy Nipples?   I totally got an email the other day saying that, in case I didn't know, Groovy Nipples died recently.  Now, that is sad, and my condolences go out to their family.  R.I.P. Groovy, who I hope is now on the other side with a thorough sense of just how much pleasure I get out of telling the "Groovy Nipples" story at parties.  Am I going to stop telling that story now?  NO I AM NOT.  By the way, the only reason I know about Groovy's passing is because when you Google the phrase "Groovy Nipples," MY SITE COMES UP FIRST.  Outstanding.  Long live Groovy!

--In other, non-Groovy related news, I received an outstanding "This Guy" photo this week from a writing friend, but she REFUSES to let me post it so I can't share it with you.  Let me say this-- it's even BETTER because it involves this writing friend and a celebrity, and they're both drunk, and she's "This Guy'ing" him like there's no tomorrow.  See?  I can keep secrets.  But, let me say this-- if you send me a"This Guy" photo that includes a celebrity, you must expressly tell me if you don't want me to post it, because otherwise that sucker's going right up, lickety split.  I'm really sad that you can't see the new "This Guy," because it's pretty great.  It's in my screensaver now.

---Maybe, if you need some more funny, you should go to this link and look at the Weight Watchers Recipe cards, and especially the commentary.  And special thanks to Brandi for this!

OK, that was all the bloggy fun-time I had allocated for this week.  Now, I'm back to the rewrite salt mines. 

Friday: Tidbits

***Stephan's Grammie's birthday was yesterday!  She's now 100 years old!  Because she's cool like that, she's having three birthday parties, got interviewed by her local news, and got letters from The White House and Willard Scott.  Ah yeah!  We're going to the big party this weekend!

***Jamba Juice is offering a new type of "smoothie"-- one that has granola in it.  Not only does this sound disgusting and like it wouldn't go through a straw, but, um, wouldn't this technically have to be called a "crunchie?"

***Mischa Barton's fan club is EXTREMELY upset with me for calling their golden girl "unemployed" on Wednesday.  Several of them have written in to inform me that Mischa Barton has EIGHT MOVIES IN DEVELOPMENT, and several modelling contracts.  But, here's the deal-- that list was about people who threw away a good thing, like your darling Mischa Anne did when she quit The O.C.   And since I'm pretty sure my Starbucks guy has EIGHT MOVIES IN DEVELOPMENT and I haven't seen her actually working since 2006, I'll take back "unemployed," but I'm leaving her on the stupid people list.  Sorry!

*** You know that costume store called "Aaahs"?  I'm not even sure that's a good name for a store, but that's beside the point.  This week I walked by that store, and there was a guy dressed like a security guard standing out front, and this made me laugh for two reasons.  First, because it's Halloween, so he could have just been a guy in a costume from the store, so his guarding presence was really diluted in that situation, and second, because do they really need a security guard stationed outside of "Aaahs"?  Like, are that many people trying to abscond with Spiderman costumes, that they need an armed guard (or maybe just a guy dressed like one)?  Doesn't it seem sadly ironic that the very time they might need such a guard might be the time he'd have to stand outside in costume--on Halloween, thereby invalidating his authority?  I'm just sayin'....

***The topic of Funny Strange Live today is "People With Names Like Groovy Nipples and Jackson Fastaction."  Also, we have alot of stuff to rant about, so this should be a good sow.